predators

My bladder made me do it!

Steve HardinLeave a comment

You ever get that feeling that says get out of bed? As I approach fifty this sense of urgency has gained prominent attention. Last night I had to wake up at 0300 to pee as I forgot to do it before going to bed. I crawled back into a warm bed hoping to spend the rest of the night warm and blissfully uninterrupted. I was dreaming about these weird deadly creatures that only come out at night and were wiping out mankind when Annmarie jabbed me in the side and whispered “Do you hear that?” Something had cut through my dream but I was unsure if the deadly creatures were on the run in my dream or if it was external. It was external, some odd chittering sound. I had sudden hope that I might get to avenge my untimely departed chickens. The real trick here is time and stealth. Every time I have stopped for a coat, made noise or tried to sneak around on this night terror it has gotten away. That was not going to happen tonight, I got out of bed very quietly and went right downstairs to grab Killer (Walther P-22 pistol with laser sights). I usually load the pistol outside but it was time to change up and get serious so I racked one in, slid the safety off and laid my finger alongside the barrel. I snuck back to to the laundry room and peeked out into the dark. It is dark, I cannot see anything! I reach over and fumble around for the outside light switch. I had left all the lights on the back half of the house off so the predator would not see me coming. I flicked the porch light on and there it was, my Nemesis, a raccoon! I flicked the light off, took one second to ready myself and flicked the light back on and ripped open the door. I led with Killer speaking the language of death. This is where each of our actions have led to our current relationship. I got one “word” off while it was still on the porch attempting to get away from the cat food. I got a second “word” off when it ran left in the back garden. It remembered that the old house was safety and flipped a U-turn and headed back that way. I got off a third “word” which caused it to run behind a trough planter. Killer and I were a team, we followed the predator’s every move and spat out our language every time we had a clear view. There was a fatal flaw in the raccoon’s plan, it had to climb a fence and once it got in the small walkway clearing it realized it could not squeeze through the fence. It was too late, my bladder had taken control of my body and insisted that this event end right now! I just kept pulling the trigger until Killer ran out of breath. Now was time for another crucial conversation, was my bladder going to win or could my desire to see this through to a dead nemesis prevail? It has been too long, we have suffered under the burden of being preyed upon and it had to stop. I ran back into the house and grabbed a second big breath for Killer so we could say our goodbyes. Now normally, I would have just stuck the holster onto my pants, pajamas, robe whatever I was wearing but since I was not wearing anything this did not happen. Killer and I rushed back because my bladder was disagreeing vehemently with our decision to finish the conversation. Annmarie hollered down and asked if “I had gotten it?” She offered to bring down the 30-30, her preferred raccoon eliminator after her raccoon attack but my bladder won this point as we knew the delay would cost us. When I went out onto the back porch the raccoon was not moving, three “words” later I was running for bathroom. I had to pause at the door to unload Killer and drop it onto the couch. My bladder had taken control but Killer and I managed to get the final word in.

I made it in time! Always a great feeling. At breakfast Annmarie informed me that a raccoon has been terrorizing my mother-in-law and tearing into her bird feeders and opening desk drawers on her front porch. Hopefully, we have eliminated the problem and now if my stupid chickens don’t get in before the automatic door closes it won’t be a death sentence.

Help is always welcome

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Three years ago my little sister, Chris came home to visit for the holidays and we had her out to the house. This year she came home for a White Christmas! A fairly spectacular one at that and she came out on Saturday to see the baby sheep. We always take the opportunity to tag and band when people come out to visit the lambs. This necessitates someone holding the smallest lambs after we catch them. Annmarie does all the catching as I am the designated tagger and bander. I am the Bander, controller of the Banderator, the rubber miracle delivery device. It has four little prongs that when you squeeze the handle it spreads the prongs apart creating an opening in the center of the very small rubber band. I use two rubber bands always now after a previous early learning experience where we ended up with several rams. The real problem is it does take some hand strength to stretch the rubber bands and to put the tag through their ears. You have to miss the blood vessel running down the middle of their ear. There are times I have a sneaking suspicion that Annmarie could do it but this way she doesn’t have to inflict pain upon the lambies. Chris enjoyed holding and cuddling with the lambs. Even after years of doing this there is nothing quite like snagging 1-3 day old lamb and snuggling with it. It is a guaranteed stress reliever.

On our drive out to the farm we spotted a huge Bald Eagle soaring over the property. They are beautiful birds and we usually see them once or twice a year passing through. I casually mentioned to Annmarie that I would not mind them sticking around. She then reminded me of Rule #2 to live by “Everything loves Chicken!”. This could cause me problems so I am currently torn over this dream. I wanted peacocks but they are loud and scream “help me” in a woman’s voice at the most inopportune time, so now I want Bald Eagles.

I had to go down and feed the cows a new bale and found a dead calf. Now I had just been down with the cows three days prior and had seen no calf. This one looks like it was still born. I tossed it in into the tractor bucket and then drove to the barn and got the two deceased lambs that had been on deep chill in the snow before it melted the day before. I drove them all up to the boneyard and found that there was a 10 foot cleared circle beaten down into the ground where the ram parts had been. There was not a single body part left of that ram! Were it not for the beaten down circle I never would have known where I tossed his carcass a week prior. We have not seen a single coyote. We hear them all the time but none have come within sight of the house in months. Its not safe for them and they know it. Santa brought me a coyote call in my stocking. I need to try it out. Chris spent some time spoiling our Border Collies and trying to get Gizmo to like her. She did make progress on the Gizmo front. He is not super people friendly. She made better progress with the collies!

Come on people!

Steve Hardin3 Comments

It never ceases to amaze me how little control we have over life. I know that a large majority of us have the illusion of control and we do pick and choose to some extent, but do we really control our lives? Or do we adapt better than others and handle life’s curveballs with perseverance? Sometimes I truly feel that just gritting your teeth and getting through the day with your head up is a great accomplishment. The farm is a constant reminder that no matter how much we think we have done and how far ahead we have planned that there will always be something unknown lurking around the corner. This week has been a great example of this. We had two more bummer lambs! This is five lambs we have given away this season. This is the most we have bummered out in years. On a positive note, we have not had a single lamb fatality. This is also unusual. We usually have 1-2 deaths that we never know the cause. We attribute them to still births most of the time. Our ram needs to go, he is now picking on the lambs, the problem with this is time. To sort, kill, skin, clean, debone, cut and wrap will take me around 6 hours start to finish by the time I have cleaned up all my tools and put everything away and prepped the materials. Where do I carve out that six hours with Christmas and Annmarie’s birthday coming up in the next four days? I don’t as I still have one more Christmas present to fix (measure twice, cut once for all you woodworkers). This takes precedence as I have been planning this for months.

The real problem is Annmarie is so mad at him that if I put a bullet in his head and drug him up to the boneyard she would be satisfied. He is painful and not safe to be around. He is now ramming the door if she is hiding behind it in an attempt to try and get her. I had to have a slap fest the other day to keep him away from me. I just don’t want to waste the meat but safety is starting to be compromised. I spent two hours before work helping Annmarie sort sheep and getting the ram out of the barn so we could snag the two bummers. The plan is to lay out a day after Christmas and just do it! I said the same thing about a mean rooster we had a few years ago only to come home and realize that it had foolishly decided to attack the woman of the house. He ended up on the bone pile before I got home, problem solved.

Zeke, our older border collie, has suddenly decided that he must get out of the yard again. He is jumping the front fence again. I worked all last night and came home to him greeting me in the driveway. I spent 30 minutes and restrung some electric fence wire that we had used to top our front fence. This was supposed to keep him from leaping up and launching over the top railing. An hour later I am in the pickup driving around trying to find him. I just wanted to go to bed but Annmarie said we needed to find the dog, I was tired and mumbled that “we had two dogs and the smarter one is still home”. Next thing I know I am in the pickup driving all around the outside of the property calling for the dog. I spent an hour looking for him to no effect. It could have been shorter but I forgot my cell phone at home and missed the call where Annmarie told me she had spotted him on the back hillside and had to walk out to get him. Somehow he was unable to “hear” her until he realized she could see him. I did eventually manage to go to bed for a few hours, I was only awake for 20 hours.

We have not had snow yet this year, it is late for us but supposedly we will have a white Christmas. I keep counting the hay bales every time I feed hoping it will be enough. It is going to be super close. I need to buy a little more next year or really I am becoming one of those paranoid farmer types that worry about everything.

I would love to go burn the rest of the upper prime squared field neighbor. I still need a name for the new fields. The far end field will always be known as the “7 acres”, that just leaves the two upper bottom fields. I want to use the name “upper prime squared” for the new pasture on the hillside that still needs to be fenced in. Annmarie only wants the fence for the ram pasture completed and the downstairs floor done. She wants results not talk! LOL. I can talk for hours about the changes I would like to make. Occasionally, I go back several years and read the blog myself just to see what I was thinking and to see the changes. Every once in a while I need to remind myself that we really are making progress. I laugh about some of the plans that I said I was going to complete in the next 1-2 years and five years later I still have not done them.

I have an alarm set in the morning to call the tile place and order the custom grout for the floor tile. It takes two weeks to get here. Unfortunately, I did not put the phone number in my phone and the business has changed locations. I don’t know the location and cannot remember the name of the place. So I have to call the trim place and ask for a referral again. This time I will put the number in my cell phone. I add notes to my contacts, like “does wood trim”, “contractor”, “plumber”, “heating guy”, “wooden fence stays”, “hay” so that when I inevitably forget their name I can do a search in my phone and find out who I need to call. I always recognize the name once I see a list but can never seem to pull it out of thin air.

Still at it

Steve HardinLeave a comment

Slow but steady wins the fencing race. I ended up fencing in the rain on Thursday. I have these fancy all rubber overalls I picked up this summer at a yard sale and my rubber boots and waterproof coat. It went great except I had leather gloves and it didn’t take them long to get wet and slimy. I spent a couple of hours nailing in wooden stays. Some would say wooden stays are archaic. But I had noticed that all my fence done with wooden stays survived the elk last year. My neighbors had a bunch of fence torn up by the same elk. I was told by someone who is licensed to harass the elk that they see the wooden stays and will leap the fence, on other fences they just run right through it. Plus the horses and cows cannot push the top wire down when you use wooden stays. I still have about 40 more feet and the first 60% of the fence will be completed. Although Annmarie has told me I need to go back and wire both woven fences together between each wooden stays so the sheep cannot slip through. I did this down in the corner I know they bunch up in but she wants it the entire length of the fence. As soon as I don’t do this then the sheep will learn to slip through and then I will still have to do it after tightening the fence again.

Annmarie had told me she thought the chicken killer raccoon had moved out to the barn under the old milking barn section. So we opted to quit feeding the cats at night as we don’t want to feed the raccoon. I took a good look at the area today and yes i do believe the raccoon dug under the barn but for a different reason. I have had a raccoon leg trap out their for almost three weeks baited with peanut butter. The trap is chained with metal chain to the wall so that it cannot be drug off by a raccoon. The trap can only be triggered by putting a paw down into the tube and then pulling up on the actuator. There is no way a cat or dog can trigger the trap. It has been sitting there doing nothing for so long I had forgotten about it. It looks like the raccoon finally decided to try his hand out. We go out to the barn every morning and every evening so it must have managed to get loose before morning. There was some loose hair stuck in the trap. We think this is a “Townie” raccoon as it is avoiding traps. It was most likely trapped and dumped off out at four corners. We have discovered this is more common than we believed. This of course just forces me to deal with the problem in a lethal method. This is very hard to do when you never see the offending critter. We have a ninja raccoon!

We had company come out on Saturday to see the baby lambs. We have been sorting only and had a passel of babies that needed to be tagged and banded. They had four children age 10 to age 4. They had a great time! There is no one that doesn’t love baby lambs! I did all the tagging and banding while Annmarie did the catching and then we just had everyone line up like an assembly line to hand me sheep. There were the inevitable questions about why I put different colored tags in their ears? We have a pink based color for the girls and all the boys get the same blue color. I alter the girl color every 50-75 babies to give us a rough approximation of the ewes age. It does actually work. They wanted to know why I kept playing with the little boys testicles? I said I had to make sure to get both testes when I banded or they would still be a ram. Next was did it hurt them when I put two small rubber bands on the boys scrotum? Yes for about five minutes then it hurts no more as there is no more blood flow. Did we need to shear the sheep? No, they are hair sheep and we just use them for meat. They then got to hand feed the horses, go inside the chicken coop and gather eggs, then walk out and watch Annmarie hand feed the bull and one of the heifers some apple slices. Mouse was in heaven as the children kept throwing the ball repeatedly and tirelessly while they were here. He was very tired after they left. We fed them all lamb bits for dinner. It was delicious. I put mine over a baked potato like a topping and it is amazing. Zeke said “peace out”” and went and hid in the laundry room to get away from the children. Gizmo is starting to get more social and finally quit barking at them after the first 20 minutes.

I had real high hopes that we could get through this lambing period with our ram and he could then impregnate everyone and then we could kill him for stew meat. It’s not looking like that is going to be possible. He is now pushing and head butting the ewes in an effort to bully them. He is humping pregnant ewes who are almost ready to give birth. He used to just drink their pee to tell if they were in estrus and then mount them. No more he is on a total dominance kick. But the real reason he has to go is that he has head butted a gate twice in the last week that Annmarie was standing on the other side, totally not cool. I am so pissed off when I get in the barn with a stick that I just yell and swear at him to take his best shot because if he knocks me down I am going for my knife and only one of us is getting up. He seems to understand and has been staying away from me. But I cannot have him hurting Annmarie. So I have arranged some help and right after Christmas he will meet his demise. I am still hoping I can get a shot behind his ear. Last time I shot a ram between the eyes it just knocked him out for a couple of minutes. The bullet could not get through the front of the skull! This animal is designed to crack heads at full speed with another ram for dominance. We have a gal who wants to use his bones and hide and parts to practice her budding taxidermy skills on. It’s a great use of resources. We will just bone him out right away and cut up the meat into stew sized pieces.

I have been looking at our skinning pole arch and I think I need to dig out an area around it about 1 foot down and then fill it all in with 2 inch gravel with a 3 inch layer of 3/4 minus over the top for drainage and dryness of the ground. I like this idea and am going to do it next year.

Gizmo got involved in my selfie! He is a whopping 6.5 lbs now and 11 months old. He is not as social as Sprout but he is finally starting to figure out that people are not evil. He loves Annmarie and I. He will finally go to Sarah now.

We also have another plumbing issue. Our hot water relief valve off of the gas tankless water heater is leaking very slightly. I would have never noticed except it got below freezing and I noticed the huge icicle hanging from the outside vent tubing. I will need to call the plumber and see what can be done. I tried to finish painting the hallway and am of course about a quart short on brown paint. I will have to go back and buy an entire gallon just to get the one quart I need. I am also going to try and get a new white color for the hallway and entryway. We don’t want super bright white.

I am Batman!!

Steve Hardin1 Comment

As I lay sleeping peacefully last night I was rudely awakened at 0500 by my alarm. Usually, Annmarie jumps out of bed and does yoga while I contemplate the value of getting out of a warm bed. Instead this morning she rolled over turned off her alarm and went back to sleep. I decided that laying in bed and surfing the internet was a valid option to getting out of a warm bed. While I was still waiting for Facebook to load on my phone I heard it, a call to arms! A chicken was keening its death knell. (Batman get to the bat mobile!). I leapt out of bed and ran to the walk in closet. I threw on my cammo cargo pants (commando of course) and a shirt and raced down the steps. I had to run back to the laundry room to get a coat (bat suit) and my fancy high power flashlight. I stopped at the front closet to arm myself (utility belt). I opted to go big or go back to bed and grabbed the pistol grip shotgun. Now was not a time to spare the innocent, now was a time to punish the guilty! (Dark Knight). I snuck to the creek side of the old house and heard an animal under the old house. Of course after my remodel of the skirting it is impossible for me to see under or crawl under the building. There were chickens all over the chicken yard. The dummies had not gone in last night and were huddled all over the chicken yard like little bite size nuggets. You have to ask yourself what would Batman do?

I was unable to spot the offender and ended up chasing chickens around in the dark to throw them back into the coop. I didn’t want to provide dessert to the offender. While I was doing this Annmarie came out to help. She spotted the spot under the skirting where something had dug under the building. It was dug to provide the shortest path to the chicken coop! Its on, there will be blood.

I counted chickens tonight and realized we only have 22 hens left. I have lost 3 already. This is totally unacceptable and must be stopped. I baited the live trap with cheerios tonight. The real problem here is how long can one raccoon eat on three chickens?? I am betting it is several days if not an entire week. If the cheerios don’t work I may have to go to cat food. The problem with that is I catch a lot of cats. If you shake the trap before you let the cat out they only go into the trap once or twice before learning to avoid it. I cannot use any kind of leg trap as I don’t want to hurt the cats or dogs. We need both of those animals to do their respective jobs and they are not easily replaced.

It’s going to be a long winter if I have to battle this fiend all season long!

Back to the bat cave!